The V-word

Thinking about vulenerablity recently, and here are some of the things I've learned.

Sometimes being vulnerable is admitting that thing out loud for the first time or 100th.

Sometimes being vulnerable is texting someone you've forgotten to get back to in what feels like a long time.

Sometimes being vulnerable is asking a question when you don't know if you want the answer.

Sometimes being vulnerable is writing a letter with things that have thus far, remained unspoken.

Sometimes being vulnerable is making a phone call even when you don't know to say.

Sometimes being vulnerable is asking for forgiveness.

Sometimes being vulnerable is saying "I'm not ready to forgive".

To snippets from 2016 that shaped how I think about this topic:

“The moment that you feel, just possibly, you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind, and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself... That is the moment, you might be starting to get it right.”

Neil Gaiman - "Make Good Art" 2012

"We have relationships where we can be honest, that's the first step. Then we have relationships where we can be transparent, that's even above honesty. And then, even further than that, we have relationships where we can be vulnerable. Vulnerability is saying things that, if I said them out loud, you could actually take my words and damage me with them or hurt me if you wanted too."

Chris Barras - "Unreasonable Family" 1/17/16

"Often times with vulnerability you don't realize we are going to be vulnerable until that moment right before you reach the edge and you are looking over, staring out. That moment when your mind starts racing and you ask yourself "are you really about to do this?" You look over the edge, absolutely terrified of jumping, everything in you says stop, go back. But at the same time, here you are, you could just do it, its not going to be that hard, right? You feel like everyone is looking at you while you wrestle with this decision. You didn't even know you were going near the edge this time, you hadn't planned on it, and yet here you are. Your mind screaming at you as you think about how jumping might not be that bad, the words are there, you could finally do it, you just have to say them. But they are stuck in your throat. Stuck, like your breath filling up your chest, just like your whole body, here, frozen on the edge. You think it won't hurt that munch but the jump, but the idea of actually jumping. It makes your heart feel like it's going to explode."

Christina Blake - Journal Excerpt - 02/20/16